How to Get More of What You Want!
If you don’t ask for what you want, how do you expect to get it? This is what I ask my girlfriends when they complain about their partners not giving them what they want. They’re hurt because he, “Just should have known!” But people usually don’t know what you want if you’re not clear and expressed about it.
This applies to relationships of any kind – including business. Chances are if you’re feeling frustrated, stuck, overwhelmed, or disappointed there’s a good chance you are not asking for what you want enough. Or you’re not being clear enough about what you want. Just think about all the ways you need to courageously ask for what you want in order to grow your business….
- Invite referral partners to collaborate with you
- Invite event hosts to book you as a speaker- Invite potential clients to meet with you- Invite potential clients to join your program- Ask team members to take things off your plate …And the list goes on. Life gave me a special challenge in this area and taught me how to get very bold with asking for what I want – because I have to.
I have a condition called Multiple Chemical Sensitivities (MCS), which means I cannot be around any scented or toxic-chemical-based products without getting sick. Most of our world is laced with toxic-chemical-based products and most people wear them not knowing their impact. I’m talking about perfumes, scented lotions, shampoos, detergents, dryer sheets, deodorants, air fresheners, pretty much anything you’d find in the cleaning supplies or body care isle at a mainstream grocery store.
So if I want to be around my friends and family without suffering, I need to ask them to change their products. It’s taken me YEARS to get the courage to do this fully. Imagine what this is like for dating! Yeah, I have to ask for what I need before we meet in person. It’s edgy and vulnerable for me, but what other option do I have? Meet with them without saying anything and get sick? They would feel bad and it would be a missed opportunity for authentic connection.
Not everyone is willing to give me what I want. Sometimes that hurts but I move on.
Life is too short to hold back because you’re afraid of rejection. Because the truth is, you certainly WON’T get what you want if you don’t have the courage to ask for it.
The friends and family who genuinely care about my well-being have graciously transitioned to being chemical free. It’s been so liberating to be able to hug them without cringing. Since I’ve had to flex my “asking for what I want” muscle so much, it’s made me better at getting the help I need in business. I developed this 3-step process to help you ask for – and ultimately get more – of what you want…
1. Identify the unmet need. Notice where you’re feeling the frustration, overwhelm, irritation or disappointment. Something is missing or out of alignment. Ask yourself, “What need isn’t getting met right now?” Be honest with yourself. This is the first most essential step. For example, if you’re feeling frustrated with not getting a big enough response from your email list for a promotion, you need to grow your email list with more qualified potential clients. So instead of lingering in disappointment around your current lack, just notice that you need to do more effective marketing.
2. Clarify what you want to meet this need. Ask yourself, “How can I get my need met?” If there’s another person who can help, then think about what you want to ask them for. For the list building example, a great way to meet your need is getting a right-fit referral partner to promote one of your list-building gifts and send some qualified potential clients to your website. Ask yourself, “Who could be a great referral partner for me?”
3. Make a clear and specific request. Ask for exactly what you want with kindness and respect. Don’t make it vague. People often do this out of feeling embarrassed for asking but then they create more confusion and disappointment. Also, don’t apologize or shy away from asking because your inner critic says there’s something wrong with you. You deserve to get what you want. Stand confidently in that.
When it comes to asking for promotion, start by requesting a meeting with a potential referral partner to discuss ways to support each other. Lead with what’s in it for them, how you can add value to their business. Then let them know exactly how they can support you. Again, don’t be vague. Include the dates and specific promotional activities that would benefit you most.
Keep an open heart and mind, expecting the best. Don’t get defensive or close off, anticipating rejection. See what they say, you may be happily surprised by a YES!
