Rising From The Ashes
I feel like a Phoenix rising from the ashes...almost literally. My home just barely escaped getting burned down in the Santa Cruz Mountain wildfires that are still being put out. It was spitting distance from the flames but is still standing thanks to our firefighters.
For over two weeks since I got evacuated, I have been living in a trailer on a friend’s property. I am SO blessed to have this space as it’s one of the few ways I could have found shelter that’s good for my well being. Because of my severe chemical sensitivities, I cannot stay in hotels or most vacation rentals or even friends homes.
When it became apparent I had to leave my home as the fires were encroaching fast, I was terrified because I didn’t know where I was going to go. I didn’t even have appropriate chemical-free camping gear. I thought I was going to have to sleep in my car and rough it outside somewhere.
Then out of the blue, my contractor (who’s done a lot of great work on my property) offered me the trailer on his property. I almost cried with relief! He and his wife have been very welcoming to me.
Also my dear friend Sharla Jacobs is letting me use her house to work in and do laundry - it’s a beautiful peaceful space that’s giving me so much nourishment. I’m writing this from there feeling so grateful.
My daughter Emily is well and doing much better now that her preschool is back in session. She has struggled with the sudden change of living environments as her dad got evacuated from his home as well. I’m doing my best to keep her feeling happy, supported and grounded during this difficult time.
This uprooting has kicked me in the butt...
I miss my home. I was terrified I would lose it at first but now am massively thankful that it was saved. I’m still unable to go back because of the fire damage clean up going on.
Staying in a trailer is a fun adventure for a week but let’s just say it’s especially hard when I’m trying to watch my almost-three-year-old in the tight space. She basically bounces off the walls!
So we’re spending a lot more time at play-dates - thank you so much to my sister Vaidehi and my friends Nadia and Corrie - I so appreciate you letting us come over to play and take care of meals and bathtime at your houses.
Napping Emily is impossible in the trailer because of the neighborhood noise during the day, so I spend hours in the car driving around to get her to sleep - that makes it a lot harder on me as I’m unable to rest when she is.
Oh and yesterday I stepped out of the trailer to get something from my storage bin just outside and Emily locked the door behind me. She probably didn’t know what she was doing and didn’t understand how to unlock it for me. I panicked! And then I started crying because it was one more difficulty on top of hundreds I’ve had to deal with nonstop.
Luckily the mother of my contractor’s wife heard the commotion (me banging on the door telling Emily to unlock it) and came to the rescue with an extra key. Crisis averted!
I keep experiencing these moments of panic when I feel a mix of terror, discouragement, and extreme frustration. Things seem to be falling apart….and then like magic, a solution appears. Sometimes it’s the right person appearing just when I need them.
Sometimes it’s that quiet voice in my heart whispering to me. I am finally getting more attuned to that voice, trusting my intuition instead of following my monkey mind (which is great at making up fear-based stories).
When I’m feeling at my wits end, I’ve learned to follow these five steps...
Step 1: Stop and breathe. Feel my body and get present. It’s much harder to hear my intuition when I’m frantic, so making a state change first is essential.
Step 2: Feel my vulnerability. It’s painful but I need to accept it without trying to mask or defend it. This is the truth of where I’m at, and I need to be honest with myself in order to be fully receptive. Sometimes this means I just let go and have a good cry. Been doing this a lot more than usual lately!
Step 3: Surrender to divine support. Admit that I’m not in control and need help. I open my spirit to receive guidance. I imagine there’s a cone of light emanating from my body, and I expand it all around me.
Step 4: When I hear the guidance (or get the impulse to do something about my situation) I follow it without overthinking. I resist the urge to doubt myself (again the mind is GREAT at this and can stop you in your tracks).
Step 5: I keep checking in with my higher wisdom as I take action. Sometimes taking action means asking someone for help. When I get inspiration about who to ask, they’re almost always immediately available and ready to show up.
If it inspires you to follow these steps the next time you’re facing a challenge - please try it out. And let me know how it goes!
Oh and p.s. This is a photo of me at Sharla’s house enjoying the sun and finding a much-needed moment of respite amidst the chaos.
